The Gospel According to Tiffany

Atomic Number 8

2012-02-03T00:48:00.000-08:00

I am not a fan of this circle/cycle

this repetition of action

this same ole lame ole

feeling of again

I love you again

so I allow you again

to be near me again

inspire me again

and deflate me again

A sad balloon, I am

withered because you gas me up

and don't tie me down

and I never ask you to knot

but always again

when I'm around you again

I am so full of you I could pop

He-li-um when I need healing

Inert and ineffective by choice

you run from me because I desire your breath

and you're too stingy to let me hold it

But you dream of the way that I contain you

Smile at the luxury of our decorations

Fantasize of archways built and a million releases

and then again

There is nothing to enjoy here, let the air out of the balloon

'Tis the Season

2011-11-14T23:21:00.000-08:00

Like the rest of the world I’m already on Christmas even though we haven’t given thanks yet. Gift-giving is one of my love languages…I take pride in it… It brings me joy to know that I gave someone that I care about something that they needed, something that they never knew they wanted…

Speaking of gifts…What’s up with this new phenomenon where women allow men to believe that they are a gift to us? Like if you we got a good man, you hit the jackpot? No, No, Boo Boo…If he got a good woman, HE HIT THE JACKPOT

I remember the creation story going a bit differently…

God made man and said, this fool is a retard…he is missing half a chromosome…if I let him be by himself he’s gonna go out and get himself killed trying to screw a dinosaur and then I would have wasted my breath (chuckle). So he made the fool a woman and gave her to him as a gift. (Of course I’m paraphrasing and adding my own interpretation but…this is The Gospel According to Tiffany so please allow me my artistic privilege.)

When I really delve into it, they way that some men treat women (their sisters, mothers, wives, girlfriends and so on) bothers me on God’s behalf…

I wish that I would put a gift in your presence and you deal with it like it has no value. Knock my gift off the pedestal that I told you it belonged on….Break it and say it was already broken when you got there…Talk to it like it’s nothing, when it’s everything that you aren’t in the best way possible…Blame it for the consequences of the situations you create…Baby Mama Drama (Dude, there weren’t supposed to be two!)…Daddy issues (That’s your boy’s fault!)…I wish I would see you talking smack about the gift that I made or calling her by the name of an animal that I made just because she did exactly what I made her for…to tell you when you’re trying to kill yourself…I wish that you wouldn’t show up to tend to the bright shiny new gift I make and let them know that they should be adored by the next fool that approaches. THAT'S MY WORD WE GOT PROBLEMS SON!!!

OK let me calm down. I think that I made my point. Why do people forget that the order was set down "In the beginning..." Ladies, men aren’t gifts to us…they need us…Men, act right…God’s watching J

#thegospelaccordingtotiffany

A word that comes and goes

2011-11-10T22:44:00.000-08:00

Ever met some one super spiritual...super Christian...super saved...90% of the words they say is a scripture or a praise...

Clearly this person is going to heaven...They have been saved since they were 9...They have served on the usher board for 15 years ...They take communion every Sunday. They PhotoShop Jesus into their Family Christmas Photo. Jesus is literally their homey, He follows them on twitter....except...

...this person is an absolute butt-hole. The remaining 10 % of their words are used to belittle, to put down or to cause division. When they aren't looking to the hills for help, they are looking at people all sideways. Excluding, spreading malice and negativity, acting out grudges. Hurting people...

I imagine that a Sanctified Jerk will have a hard time at the pearly gates. They'll shout all the way up the streets of gold and get to the Book of Life to find that God decided they were a non-factor because they obeyed all the rules and failed to represent Him. God is love, if you don't represent that...#Fail

We know love well. We have felt love. We show it from time to time but it should be all over us. It should ooze out of our pores and affect everyone around us.

Now I feel the need to check myself and make sure that my love game is on point...Instead of putting Lil' Wayne's "How to Love" on repeat, Let us review the Bible's definition of Love

1 Corinthians 13

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails...

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Our words and actions should be drenched in love. Not "I'm just keeping it real"...Not "Oooh I tooooold you!"... and most certainly Not "Well somebody had to say it".

We never really know what a person is dealing with...The most confident people can be the most broken. Low self esteem is often hidden behind a carefully crafted mask. The Small cracks that are visible to us run clear to a person's foundation. Let's not even start discussing the people that already appear fragile. They need LOTS OF LOVE too.

In closing, God is Love so to represent Him you have to show love. Jesus is God's Love-Child so to be a for real Christian (not just a believer) we have to be like Love's (God's) Love-Child. Wow that's ridiculous and overwhelming...

Gentle giants

2011-09-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

I like tall men. Period.

If a man is over six feet tall, he automatically has my attention and I'm going to look the man over and decide whether he could be a person of interest.

16 or 60, the man is being assessed.

White, Black, Indian, Hispanic, Samoan...yup that man is getting checked out.

Body types are not a big deal for me. I've dated them all from really skinny to way too much to love. I like tall men. The thing is, more than I like height, I like confidence.

This is what he said: "If I were girl, I wouldn't be checking for me."

My thoughts: You know you best and you wouldn't date you? Why should I?

I've noticed that a lot of men have issues with their bodies and that can ruin all the tall awesomeness for me. To stand close to a foot over me and say self-deprecating things about your weight, your flab, how big you are...is so unattractive. As I type this, I am painfully aware of how men complain about women and their "Do I look fat" questions. It's all the same.

Gentle giants, don't make yourself a midget by devaluing what you're blessed with. If I'm still looking at you, I'm happy with what I see. I do know how to say no to getting to know someone that I'm not attracted to.

I feel the need to add, I don't exclusively date tall men. That's just what I am initially attracted to. A man with less height and a lot of confidence is better than a tall man with a pint-sized attitude.

Almost

2010-07-07T22:58:00.000-07:00

I think that I need this today,
And possibly more often than I realize since,
My Facebook has to show only one side of my face. In that book I allow the term friend to be used so casually with lots of flexibility when in fact friend to me is almost a religion.
I believe in its laws and I stay true to its word however I betray my covenant every time I confirm a friendship that is none at all.
If I swept through my friends list who would have blood on their doors, those whose bore with me through the firsts and the lasts ...almost omnipresent and as a group almost omnipotent...for me almost omniscient...almost divine...only almost because they are human and almost because they are the prophecy...almost because they are predestined and their coming was foretold...Almost because they are the gift and not the giver, creative but not the Creator. All things good and perfect come from Him so often through them. Therefore I am a devout believer in this part of my salvation...the restoration of almost all things...and I almost always have to thank God for them.

So many things...

2008-01-10T01:55:00.000-08:00

So its been about a year since I have blogged or even checked a blog. It's nay clock in the morning and I am awake. There are way too many things on my mind. I want sleep but it doesn't seem to want me tonight. I have some anger and resentment towards someone tonight and I'd honestly like to write them down to nothingness but I cannot, do unto others right? So I'm a stuck with a head full of hurt and a decision to let it be. It's weird when your sense of urgency, turns out to be true. Egads I hope 2008 has much better things in store for me.

After reading this I felt like a big waster

2007-01-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

This lady makes 12K per year, and gets by. Looking back at my W-2 and comparing my bank balance to that tells me I really need to get it together.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/LearnToBudget/SurvivingAndThrivingOn12000AYear.aspx?GT1=8996

Lessons from THE WIRE

2006-11-30T13:36:00.000-08:00

"It's not that you do SH**. It's how you do SH**"

I was thinking about current events and suddenly that qupte came to mind. It is SO true because truthfully so may situations could have had a much better outcome if the individuals involved had a different m.o.

Trust

2006-11-28T10:50:00.000-08:00

I have never been very trusting. I tried once with the wrong person but you should never do anything that your heart tells you not to. Needless to say, this did not go well. The Bible had some comments on trust that I thought were interesting.

Job 15:31Let him not deceive himself by trusting what is worthless, for he will get nothing in return.Job 15:30-32 (in Context) Job 15 (Whole Chapter)

Job 8:14 What he trusts in is fragile ; what he relies on is a spider's web. He leans on his web, but it gives way; he clings to it, but it does not hold.Job 8:13-15 (in Context) Job 8 (Whole Chapter)

Psalm 5:9Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit.Psalm 5:8-10 (in Context) Psalm 5 (Whole Chapter)

Psalm 41:9Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.Psalm 41:8-10 (in Context) Psalm 41 (Whole Chapter)

Isaiah 2:22Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he?Isaiah 2:21-22 (in Context) Isaiah 2 (Whole Chapter)

Jeremiah 9:4"Beware of your friends; do not trust your brothers. For every brother is a deceiver, and every friend a slanderer.Jeremiah 9:3-5 (in Context) Jeremiah 9 (Whole Chapter)

Micah 7:5Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with her who lies in your embrace be careful of your words.Micah 7:4-6 (in Context) Micah 7 (Whole Chapter

I didn't even have to use my A.K.

2006-11-08T15:29:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day.

Have you ever had a day where you were just satisfied with yourself and with life. I don't get those too often, I'm half obsessive compulsive with perfectionist and narcissistic tendencies. So yeah...Most days are a battle. But today I got a breath of fresh air when after mincing my words for a long while I finally snapped, got an interview for higher pay at my current job received my first supplemental application for Medical School and finally completed officially the last 4.5 units of my Masters. Oh yes today was a good day.

Things that make you go hmmm...

2006-09-18T15:14:00.000-07:00

I'm retarded
Today I wore my sexy shoes. They are painful but I don't walk much at my job so "Why not?" I thought. I lokced my keys in the car at 8:30 this morning. Left the car running even. I found this out at 1:00p.m. (now lets all take a pause) Gas is high and since when am I so concerned about getting to work on time? A very nice lady let me use her triple A. I stood outside for an hour in at least 100 degree weather in my sexy shoes. Ouch! At some point during this ordeal my pants fell down. I give up!

Considering

2006-08-29T13:45:00.000-07:00

Considering that it took President Bush five days to show up on the scene of Huirrican Katrina, doesn't it seem odd that he was doing memorials today? Sorry Sir, your memorials aren't welcome until Monday. Sunday night at the earliest!

Customer Servitude

2006-08-11T13:53:00.000-07:00

Aaaackkk!!!

Public Service Announcement

2006-07-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

You know its really hard to blog when have so many things on your mind that you'd rather not broadcast, wish weren't the truth and are trying so desperately to forget are. That being said, Today is Sunday, it's not sunny, isn't that ironic?

Why is it?

2006-05-28T18:22:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when people used to ask me to do things socially I used to be honored but now I take it as a threat? When I think about it, I came up with some reasons and though I really should hurry up and stop thinking this way. It's just the moment.

1. People are trying to put things on my already jam packed and fully neglected agenda
2. People suck, when you start dealing with people, here comes the drama.
3. Being a person takes work, ponder that one a second and think of what you're like when you first wake up, are on your way to sleep, or have not eaten. That's who you really are.
4. Okay I'm done being negative. One good thing about being socially desired is that it means that people want you around. How can that not feel good?

Right...

2006-05-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

I find the most random stories. Apparently this very small child molester is to small for jail They're afraid he'll get taken advantage of....Right...
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/12969163/?GT1=8199

Seriously!

2006-05-19T08:58:00.000-07:00

So this article features a mayor who was arrested for soliciting sex from women in exchange for money and leniency on their water bills. Whoa! Water bills, seriously the water bill is one of least expensive bills one has. Offering a woman payment on her water bill in exchange for sex is an insult! You need to at least come with a cable bill. High rollers can come with a light bill or something. Who are these women?... Gosh
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12867583/

***Disclaimer: I do not promote the idea/the practice of selling sex for money however, and I say this for everything, if you're going to do it you'd better do it right! And clearly these women weren't. I'm disappointed in them ;)

Weird Stuff

2006-05-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

1. While I was signing in there was a box to check that said Remember Me. For some reason I strongly felt that if I checked this box it would answer me yes or no, and that if it said no I would be hurt.

2. I love Dave Barry. I started blogging in hopes of writing like him. If I wasn't afraid of thr consquences I would copy and paste his articles and swear he stole it from me.

3. Everyday I have to convince myself that my great apartment, food, and clothes budget are good enough reasons to get up and go to work. This rarely works but by the time I've tried this for the requisite 15 minutes I'm usually so awake that I get up and go.

4. I never decorated my desk at work. I have one post-it on my wall that says something non-work-related. The post-is a quote from a text message my bumpkin wrote me. Sometimes to save space he abbreviaties when he texts me. Although I have all this blank space on my post-it, I wrote it as I received it.

5. My word for the week is brevity. I tend to like words with ty at the end. (i.e., levity, proclivity, serendipity...the list goes on) I think it has something to do with my name.

LD Relationships

2006-05-12T15:27:00.000-07:00

Having been in a long distance relationship for a little while now, I'd like to compose a list of things one needs to be in a long distance relationship.

1. Patience- so that when they don't call you back immediately you don't break up with them.
2. Trust- so that when they don't call you back immediately you don't break up with them.
3. Wireless Lie Detector- so that after they finally call you back, you can regain trust.
4. Stamps- because every now and then you just need to lick something (j/K :) ?) No really for sending your sig nice little goodies to sustain them in the hard times.
5. Text Messaging- For keeping communication lines open when its midwork, you guys have conflicting schedules or you ran-out of minutes.
6. Picture Mail- use your imagination
7. Plane Tickets or Gas Cards- Because in reality you really do need to see this person at some point
8. Creativity- to plan some way to be together even though you're not
9. Understanding- Because if you're not at all flexible it'll never work
10. The same wireless service - Because Gosh! those bills can be taxing!

***Suggestions are welcomed. Be nice Alexis!

That B.A.S.S. Bass

2006-04-13T10:14:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gents, today I and to speak to you on the power of the BASS. In a world with metrosexual/flagrantly homosexual men/ and otherwise vocally challenged men, one often forgets the power of the BASS. When applied effectively and toward a cause the BASS can affect a change in one's (most likely a female's) attitude, behavior, and life. This morning the BASS got me out of bed after having only slept, and not well, for one hour and sent me off to work. The BASS changed me from a whiny, sleepy, half-lethargic mess to a woman at work, musing on this morning's occurrence. So men, when you're trying to affect a change in your significant other, and they are stubborn, try the BASS. Can't hurt, might help.

Thinking myself happy

2006-04-03T10:19:00.000-07:00

I'm having a super dookie morning. My mommy told me to think myself happy so here's a list of things that make me happy. Trust, this list is not everything, if you didn't make it don't trip.

1. My niece Evan, who is the most darling girl on earth
2. My bed, which makes me feel like somebody loves me, even though it's only me since I paid for it.
3. My bumpkin, who makes me have tummy flutters and even though nausea isn't something to rave about, the fact that I feel anything is great.
4. My mommy, who's smart enough to tell me to do this
5. My friend Alexis, who is so different from me that she can see the other side of things that don't make any sense, that's important in life
6. My green lip gloss that brings all the bling
7. My pink elephant that I've had since I was five. Explore that irony
8. Knowing that no matter what happens I'll be okay. I may not be excited about the outcomes but I'll be better for it.

Things my boo says..

2006-03-20T12:58:00.000-08:00

I'm dating a bumpkin. He's Great! Here's why..

"That's Bull Sugar!!!"
"Are you caking?"
"Cotton Picking"
"No. No. no no no,No."

Things I say that he's noticed
"Trust"
"Put you up on game"
"That's what up"
"Stop trippin'"
"Chill Out"

Cross cultural linguistics are funny!

2006-03-07T01:01:00.000-08:00

Oh So Pretty

2006-03-07T01:00:00.000-08:00

I feel pretty

Heaven or Hell

2006-03-06T12:45:00.000-08:00

I got a note from a guy on myspace today. He said "You're sexy as hell". And all I could think is..."How sexy is hell". Seriously, when I think of hell, sex is never on my mind, I mean it's hot, and not in a good way. To me hell and sex have nothing to do with one another, like unless Dante's inferno foretold of the the true hell (never reaching climax), If you're having sex how could it be hellish. As a celibate woman I personally think not having sex is close enough to hell so...from now on I'm sexy as heaven.

Yes... Soft clouds, beams of light, the glory of God, now that's sexy...

Pray for me

2006-02-27T10:11:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I had the fat girl within/without subdued...My girl Scout Cookies came in!

Recap

2006-02-03T12:39:00.000-08:00

I was reading over some of my old blogs today and I thought about the things I'd been through over this past year. It was ridiculous, tumultuos and downright stupid at times. I don't know if you guys can tell but last year was a whole one maybe even two. I'm better for it all, if nothing else I got to know myself alot better. So let's recap...

March 29, 2005- I had just quit my job, was doing grad school. Now it's 2006, I'm right back at the job I quit but in a much better position. I've just started my thesis.

March 30-31, 2005- Went to Boston, lost my luggage, came back from Boston, got luggage back. No harm, no foul.

April 2, 2005- My cousin turned 21, we took forever getting dressed, yeah we still do that. In fact, just this weekend we hit a record time of 4 and a half hours.

April 10, 2005- I contemplate/research the DL. Get some interesting findings, made information available to all. Some people never learn.

April 13, 2005- I had sushi, I never ate raw fish again but I did find my sushi-like substance. Rolled up fried shrimp and cucmber. Pretty good ey? At this point I figured out that I was trying a lot of new stuff, and that was only the beginning.

There were two more blogs in April, I had no job then no wonder.

May 02, 2005-Pink Elephants, Oh if I could only explain the internal/external drama that was behind that blog. Though that elephant is still alive, I allowed it to grow so much that I can't see the person on the other side of it. It's good that way.

May 10, 2005- At this point I really lost my mind. I blogged about English slang to cover for myself.

May 18, 2005- I returned to my estranged job. Was apparently quite bitter and angry about my manless status. That might have been backlash from elephants and mind losing.

May 31, 2005- The usual vanity. I was a cute baby, I'm a fine adult.

June 02, 2005- I was empathetic and decided that that was not a good thing.

June 11, 2005- Guys called me an hour after I gave them the number, I thought it was strange. Guys were calling me, why was I tripping?

June 16, 2005- While talking to said guys, one was what I thought was ideal, another was the antithesis. Overall they both flopped, oh well.

June 21, 2005- Started hitting it hard at the gym, but killed my ankle. OUCH!!!

July 13, 2005- Updated you all on the haps. I was being 22 and it was killing me, I was going to the gym regularly. I had pulled it back together. I talked about marriage, this year was not a good year for people who know me to be married. Somehow however my outlook on it has gotten better. I think my "don't do that list" has helped me identify some key issues that I need to avoid.

September 16, 2005- I became full time at my job, began accruing benefits and no doubt. I pondered the concept of friendship w/benefits and I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no is the answer.

September 26, 2005- Ann got gamed. Tina and John got some.

October 31, 2005- After 3 weeks in seclusion I emerged with one of my best blogs ever. I mused on Care Bear Staring, Easter, Gogurt, etc.

November 4, 2005- I vacuumed in the middle of the night my neighbors hated it.

November 22, 2005- I blasted on my the people I work with. We have a love-hate relationship. They love to annoy me, I hate the fact that they're allowed to.

December 5, 2005- People tried to change my beliefs, I didn't get it.

January 2, 2006- Happy New Year! I took great pictures.

January 27, 2006- I was tired, my body was not, worked out a bit, I was fine.

Thou Shalt not Laze

2006-01-27T15:24:00.000-08:00

You guys seriously, have you ever been so lazy that you couldn't sleep? Well, for the past two weeks I have had the worst time sleeping ever. I'd go to sleep, wake up a short time later, either tossing and turning or sweating and fighting. Its been triple ridiculous. I work Mon-Fri from 7:30 to 4:30. Have class three days out of the week. Have numerous relationships and am active in my church. In other words I do too much, if I don't sleep, I will die. At the end of the day my mind is real tired.

A few days into it, I decide I'm getting to bed early it kills me. 11:00pm in bed, 3:00am awake. Next night 12:30 in bed 3:00 awake. A different night 8:30 in bed (all phones off, sleeping pill taken, a few days of little if any rest) 1:00 a.m. awake. The problem with theses nights of sleep is not so much the length of time I was sleep, it was more the quality. It was like being awake. I was thinking. I was moving. The only difference was that I was trying really hard not to.

So yesterday, after prayer and reasoning, I went to the gym. I figured that by the end of my day apparently my mind is very tired but my body is not. And for some reason my mind likes to be in solidarity when my body's awake. When I think about it. My job is mental, class is mental, I guess I need physical activity. So I went to the gym. Worked out, took a shower and got in the bed. I woke up at 8:30 am this morning. I was supposed to be at work at 7:30. I was however much more cheerful and productive. SO if you're not getting good sleep go to the gym, or you'll sleep no more.

Pick your fave

2006-01-02T02:26:00.000-08:00

I've recently acquired a new digital camera after a traumatic event with my first whcih was a 2.0 megapixel camera that I bought back in 2001. I've received some mixed reviews about these pics let me know what you think...

A

B

C

Half Stepping

2005-12-05T09:53:00.000-08:00

I've run into an issue with people these past couple of weeks. I really don't understand them and their beliefs. I can honestly understand when people don't believe what I believe. What I don't get it when people sign up for a religion and then pick and choose from it what they choose to accept. I also don't understand when people don't believe the same way as me and would try to tell me what my religion does or doesn't say. For example I have friends from different religions, my religion says that the best things aren't going to happen to them when they die. Does that mean that I love them any less, or does that mean that I don't wish that they fit into the category that the best things happen to. No but that does not change what I believe. When I go against what my religion says is right I don't haul off and start deleting sins from the list, I just accept the fact that at that moment I was not doing as I believe and make necessary provisions for continuing on the path I chosen. I don't taper my religion to fit what I would like to happen. I didn't make the religion I subscribed to so who am I to go cutting and pasting. At that point I should just make my own and go for it. But I don't, maybe I'm lazy, being a higher power sounds like a lot of work. One day we'll all see what was right or maybe we won't.

Nature of the Game

2005-11-22T10:07:00.000-08:00

Anyone who works in a Call Center, Help Desk, or Technical Support Environment understand why I say common sense is not that common, there are actually stupid people and stupid questions and for some reason they feel the need to call ME.

What they said:"I need my password reset"
What I said:"What system are you trying to access"
What I wanted to say: "Okay I'll go ahead and reset them all. Or perhaps one at random since you seem to have only one password, whichever I pick should be fine right?"

What I said: "What address are you at?
What they said: "Victorville"
What I said: "Do you know what street you're on?"
What I wanted to say: "What kind of oblivious idiot are you. You seriously have no idea where you've worked for the past 97 years? It's funny that you think a city means an address. It's also retarded for you to expect me to know where you work when you don't even know. I'm going to transfer you to Behavioral Health."

What they said: "I'm unable to sign into the system, is it down".
What I said: "No it's not down ma'am would you like me to change your password"
What I wanted to say: "Yes ma'am the problem is with the whole system, not you, and the fact that you forgot your password and tried it too may times and got locked out. Clearly there's an issue with the whole entire system, even though the page displays and your neighbor is able to get in just fine. The problem could never be with you because you don't make mistakes."

What they said:"I can't get into the computer"
What they meant:"I can't access a specific application"
What I said:"Are you trying to get into Windows or another application"
What I wanted to say:"Did you try using a screwdriver, that's actually the best way"

Things I hate about the people I serve
* They are disobedient, please don't ever call me for help and the refuse to follow my instructions. That makes me really angry and additionally, if you knew what to do then why did you call, are you just trying to use your anytime minutes or did you specifically call to annoy me?

*They don't listen or read. For example, after I have reset specific passwords, I have to give instructions such as the following. "Okay I have reset your password to *******, when you log in that will expire and it will prompt to change your password." It never fails, at least 40% of the time people call me back within three minutes.

What they say: The password YOU gave me didn't work!
What I say: Go ahead and try to log on again.
What they say: This pop up came up.
What I say: What does the pop-up say?
What they say: Your password has expired, please click below tto change your password.
What I say: Go ahead and click below.
What I want to say: The password I gave you didn't work. No YOU don't work. The password expired...huh? I think I remember telling you that that was going to happen and had you been listening or had you read the prompt instead of being all idiot then I wouldn't have had to talk to you for the past five minutes.

What I love about them
* All of their idiocy is the reason I have a job, can pay bills and participate in capitalism.

Scrub a Dub Dub

2005-11-07T14:02:00.000-08:00

LOL.. I'm reading this book, "Play or be played"...

So sad but true.

Top five ways to tell if your man is a super scrub

1. He rents expensive cars so he can park in front of the club when its over.

2. He has to take the bus to make booty calls.

3. He works at IBM and sells weed on the side.

4. He's a grown man, but he still talks about playing video games as if he's partaking in a real event.

5. His main priority is to save money so he can buy rims for his car.

Midnight Vacuuming

2005-11-04T00:04:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I am a horrible upstairs neighbor. I am extremely nocturnal and in the middle of the night I get random cleaning urges. SO...Tonight I'm cleaning my room, suddenly I look down at the floor. It needs vacuuming. So I go with it. Mid-vac I hear and feel a tapping coming from the floor. Apparently my downstairs neighbors are quite upset by this. Because I was close to finishing I went ahead and stopped but when I think about it, who are they to dictate when I can vacuum. And just because the corporate world agrees that people should be awake during the day and asleep at night has no bearing on the fact that sometimes at midnight I need to vacuum.

Ever wonder...

2005-10-31T12:57:00.000-08:00

1. Why the Care Bear Stare resembles scenes from girls gone wild. Were we secretly programmed to expose our chests in synchrony beause as we all know the power is more forceful when all do it to gether? After all it is for the greater good.

2. Why the Easter Bunny supposedly has these giant eggs. What chicken is he robbing? Additionaly since when are hard-boiled eggs something to look forward to?

3. Why nobody but me feels like Gogurt is the grossest thing ever?

4. Why it was appropriate to wear a ring pop and eat it as the day went by like bacteria don't exist?

5. If leg warmers are going to come back and why?

6. How come even people who have large sticks up their butts dress up on Halloween?

7. What is the white dust on really old chocolate?

8. Whose idea was it to put a worm in anything edible? (i.e. tequila, those sucker)

He's just not that into you...

2005-10-07T09:07:00.000-07:00

So a while back I read the book, "He's just not that into you". I was on this kick of learning about men back then, this is around the same time that I read "On the DL". Yesterday, in have a conversation with my confidant, I at some point decided that somebody "just wasn't that into me" based mostly on a lack of contact.

It's funny how you can brainwash yourself with a book and find yourself slowly morphing into a Charlotte-like, everything can be wonderful if I just follow the rules, type of girl. I was really almost there but unfortunately I know that rule books, while they are helpful, don't know everything and they aren't necessarily always applicable to my real life and while I don't believe that I should waste my time on someone who just not that into me, I still am likely to.

I hate it when...

2005-09-28T20:53:00.000-07:00

1. I call someone and someone else picks up their phone. Seriously, I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you.

2. People forward me chain letters, seriously STOP IT.

3. Not being able to remember all the things I hate, when I'm trying to blog about it. Maybe I'm just in a good place right now.

Game Recognition

2005-09-26T14:49:00.000-07:00

So...
Do you have to have game to recognize game? I don't think I have any but I have clearly pointed out some game recently. True story, happened to a friend of mine, Let's call her Ann. Ann is casually dating John.

So... Ann gets a phone call at a suspicious hour, 10 am. John gives his location and plans for the day. This is abnormal because remember Ann and John are casual, who gives out a minute buy minute report of their whereabouts without being questioned. John's going to the library at the local college. Ann was puzzled so she called me.

I reminded Ann of conversation we once had. A while back John tells Ann a story about how he when he doesn't want to seem suspicious although he is conducting suspicious activity he tells the truth, or at least a part of it. In other words John will say he's going to the grocery store and he will go but only after he's visited Janet.

So...later in the day...Ann calls John. John says he is on his way back. "Back where, Ann says" Back to Tina's, John's ex-girlfriend who happens to live near the local college's, house. John realizes he's caught and says, "I needed to use her library card". Is that what they're calling it these days reading is fundamental...

Benefits

2005-09-16T12:40:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile guys. I've been busy, acting crazy gathering benefits left and right. You would be proud. I now have medical dental and life insurance. But these are not the type of benefits that I care to discuss today.

Friends w/benefits. My take on the situation is skewed currently. Overwhelming my friends lobby against them with arguments that it never ends or continues well. Maybe I didn't figure it all out to well. But I remember my mother telling me to be friends first so how does the whole transistion go down. So that I can figure this out, please respond with one of the choices below or make up one your own and let me know.

A) Friendship,affection, relationship
B) Affection, friendship, relationship
C) Relationship, affection, friendship
D) Friendship, relationship, affection

Okay I guess I answered my own question there. D is ideal but whatever happens in between friendship and relationship has always alluded me. Is there some magical conversation that you're supposed to have, do you like pledge your love to the person, like seriously where does the transition come in. More importantly I seem to be inclined to end up half-way in the middle of option a wondering WTF and whether I even want a relationship with the person because they act so retarded mid-A? And why does it seem like when you get a friend with benefits you end up losing the benefit of friendship immediately. It's like cell phone coverage. One minute you've got four bars. Next minute you're on analog roam. And you have to pay a lot more than you're used to just to make a phone call. And even if you're standing under the biggest satellite ever, you have no service. Somebody help me

On Marriage

2005-07-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

So Lexisreid blogged about marriage and her reservations on it and someone else's for that matter. Not one to be left out I thought I'd tell you a bit about my views on marriage.

Let me say first and foremost that I would like to one day marry the right person. Unfortunately I know that most people never accomplish this. Sure they get married, but the right person tends to not be the one their married to. Maybe because I've seen so many bad marriages and so few good ones. In my lifetime I think I have had first hand experience with two. My parents and my fake-grandparents. My mom took two times to get it right and my fgparents got married when they were 19-20.

So I can either get married 2 times or I can go back in time and pledge my life to someone. Marriage scares me, and I know its my experience that has done that to me. If I told you all the stuff that has happened to friends of mine and others while married, you would be looking at marriage like the plague too.

Like seriously, that till death do us part thing, is going to be taken out of my vows. That is so unrealistic. Sure it works for some. Sure I might even be inclined to think that at the time that I decide that this man and I should consolidate lives. But seriously, we will part, should I find him in bed with anyone or thing except me. That does include men, women, ducks, midgets, blenders, children, family members. I would prefer not to have to kill him just to keep my word. So my vow will go a little something like this, "Until God indicates that we're done." All the aforementioned examples qualify for departure under that clause.

And then there's the whole issue of knowing that this person is the one. Who am I to know. I am so a person. I refuse to believe that my one is not fine. But maybe he's not, and maybe I looked at him real crazy when he said Hello. He kept walking, he was the one, not I have to find the two, who hopefully is fine enough for me to smile at.

And come one guys, I'm a weird woman. I feel like only strange people would get to know me and think "I want this nutcase in my life forever", and I refuse to marry one of the men in downtown LA, cursing them ownselves out.

All I'm saying is, in the age of down-low bro's, men who cheat emotionally, men who cheat with puppies, nosepickers, people with aids, people who give aids and over-all wrong people for me, I'm in no rush to find the future Mr. Tiffany. He's guaranteed to be strange, he'd better be fine, and whenever he gets here I'll be happy to see him, meanwhile I'll be observing these other marriages and making a don't do that list. Later, I'll publish it.

Updates

2005-07-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

Did you miss me?
I've been plotting to resume blogging for a while now but, you know how life is. I got real busy, temporarily lost my mind, and next thing you know it three weeks later and I've left you hanging.

Awhile back I wrote a blog about being 22. Just prior to that I embraced my 22-ness. Told people that I was 22, and I planned to be 22 until they make me be 23. Why did you all let me do that. As I look back on the past couple of months I think to myself, I should have skipped this part. Because really being 20 something is a ridiculous part of life. Part of you wants to be teenage, the other part wants to do grown up stuff. And you're always somewhere in the middle. At 22 you're a bit closer to teenage and man, I never knew I had it in me. When I was a teenager, I was 30-something. So, who knew I could go on random adventures, date boys, etc.

Anyway, I've been putting in some serious time at the gym for the past four weeks. Killing it with the yes. Trying to get right in 2005 so I don't die in 2007. After three weeks of gymming I finally went and bought some gym clothes because in the beginning I didn't trust myself to be faithful. I know me better than that. I cheat. So now I'm cute in the gym. I have a new hairstyle which when I slow down long enough to use my camera I will take a picture of to show you all. Other than that life has been pretty normal. I'm the only crazy in my life.

I've read some interesting blogs by Lexisreid one of which I will be commenting on in my next blog. I don't really have anything else to say now, except, "I don't really like my job, so I don't think I'm going to go."

Gymboree

2005-06-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

So...Last night I went to be extra-gangster in the gym. 30 min cardio at least 50 go's on each machine. At least 8 machines...You would all be proud. While walking from one machine to the next, I sprained my ankle. The same ankle that I have sprained between eight and ten times, decided that even though I was a gangster, it could be a punk. But I didn't let that stop me. I did 15 more mins of cardio after that. F' the ankle. Went home showered and went to sleep. No motrin, no ice, minimal elevation. So today my ankle is casaba melon sized. There seems to be a face growing out of it. I think I didn't sprain my ankle at all, instead a small alien lodge itself inside and is trying its hardest to escape. With all that, I am currently at work with my foot elevated on a heater and an ice pack tied to it. I'm not a gangster, no not at all.

Antithesis

2005-06-16T16:35:00.000-07:00

You guys know how I do it.
Definitions for you to keep in mind.
Antithesis- the direct opposite
Ideal- a standard of perfection, beauty, or excellence

While I was working on acheiving my Ideal, Antithesis showed up. And I wonder to myself should I change my Ideal, or should I go for what I know. Mathematics doesn't solve all. I know I talk in riddles but that's my life.

3 Day Rule

2005-06-11T23:06:00.000-07:00

You guys have all heard of the alleged three-day rule. You know, you give a guy your number, he waits for three days to call you. I had heard of this rule. I still don't know if it exists. But I do know about the one hour rule. All the guys that I have ever given my number to have called within the hour to make sure I'd given them the right number. I think it a bit strange, and funny enough they always admit that thats why they called. I find the insecurity sweet. So just as every girl's stomach tightens when her phone rings 3 days after she's given him "the digits" and she's expecting the call, the guy's tighten when you give him the digits and within the hour he rings you back, just to make sure. Craziness. I love men.

And for the record I never give a number to a guy I don't want to call me, what's the point? I do em like D.A.R.E., "Just Say No".

Path

2005-06-02T23:11:00.000-07:00

So... today a friend and I were discussing empathy* and sympathy**. We couldn't figure out which was which but we began to break down these words.

(Em-path-y) - Notice "path" in this word
(Sym-path-y)- "Path" is also in this word

Some words that "path" is also in...

Pathology
Pathogen
Pathetic
Pyschopath
Apathy

Okay so do you see a trend here. Seems like Sympathy and Empathy are not that great they may in fact be pathological, pathogenic, pathetic, an emotion of a pyschopath. I wish I was Apathetic.

*Empathy-the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner; also : the capacity for this .

**Sympathy- the act or capacity of entering into or sharing the feelings or interests of another

Day One

2005-05-31T02:52:00.000-07:00

Me, but a lot younger and whiter

So...This weekend I had the pleasure of scanning a lot of my childhood pictures. I'm really happy about it! Finally I have in my possession documentation that explains why I am so self-absorbed. For a huge portion of my life, my formative years even, my family was absorbed into me as well. It's not my fault that I felt like a Roman and started doing what they did, and when they changed the game, I didn't.

I am absolutely infatuated with this picture and I don't know why. It is obviously that first hospital pic. You know the one with the weird slicked down hairstyle and the bow taped down. But guys, check the facial expression, I've been me since day one. I can just imagine what I was thinking. "Who the Heck is that!, and why are they all up ons". Notice the pugilistic stance, I seem to be ready to strike them if they bring that camera any closer.

I'm mad that I've been mad dogging fools since birth, perhaps in the womb I was rolling my eyes at dumb people who, although they didn't know my mother, felt the need to caress the belly. So I've made this picture my desktop, and I never want to turn off my computer. I just stare into my own eyes and think back to a simpler time. I know it's narcissistic and weird. I know it's crazy but its me and I am fascinated with myself at all ages. I know you are too, I understand, I'm just that tight!*

*Sorry about that last bit, I get a bit carried away

Grit and Grind

2005-05-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

Alright... so I anticipate my posts being few, because I am now EMPLOYED. Yes! In two weeks I will have the ability to purchase. Meanwhile I am running ragged. Seriously I was never meant for a 9 to 5. Certainly not an 8 to 5 but hey, beggars can't choose not to got to work. So I chose to wake myself up between 6-6:45am this morning and get dressed to go to a place where they pay me a quarter a day. After work today I have to fulfill my responsibilities as part of the Leadership Staff at my church and lead the masses to the Lord. After all the leading I still have to be a student. Master's aren't going to earn themselves guys. Are you tired? Good. You go to sleep and I'll be awake burning the midnight vinegar. I ran out of oil last night.

A change in subject...
I'm beginning to hate those emails. You know those emails about how wonderful I am even though nobody but me thinks so. I got one yesterday, read it and though I was supposed to be uplifted I was surprisingly downpushed. Every line reminded me of loneliness and I was perplexed. Do these emails make anybody feel better? The poem is below.

"BECAUSE" by TD Jakes
Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are, Doesn't mean you shine any less.
Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped, doesn't stop you from being the best.
Just because no one has come along to share your life, doesn't mean that day isn't coming.
Just because no one has made this race worthwhile, doesn't give you permission to stop running.
Just because no one has realized how much of an awesome woman you are, doesn't mean they can affect your femininity.
Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level, doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.
Just because you deserve the very best there is, doesn't mean that life is always fair.
Just because God is still preparing your king, doesn't mean that you're not already a Queen.
Just because your situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now, doesn't mean you need to change a thing.
Keep shining, keep running, keep hoping, and keep praying, Keep being exactly what you are already.
COMPLETE

Now I'm not hating, I'm sure this poem has kept some woman from feeling like she was an ugly duckling. But what about the mud ducks? Do we send them "You need to get it together poems" or do we continue to tell them that they're perfect in their muddy duckiness and that one day some man will come and rinse them off. Do we let the drama types continue to believe that some man wants a starring role in their personal greek tragedy? Do we not offer real answers to why some women are appealing while others are not in the name of self-esteem or do we try to better women by gently pointing out flaws. I'm not talking about physical stuff, but I'm talking about the deeply entrenched psychological, emotional, and social problems that women sometimes have. I'm not exempt and no woman with a man is either. All I'm saying is some issues are more attractive than others and maybe I need a poem that nudges me away from the less attractive of the spectrum.

2005-05-10T09:31:00.000-07:00

Blogless

So...A lot of stuff has happened over the past couple of days. None of it can be blogged because we don't want to give you a bad impression of me. I just want to say that I understand less and less of me as time moves on. Anyway, I've been watching Season Disks from my favorite BBC show, Coupling, recently. In one of the episodes the lady says Bollocks three times in succession. I am from America, I had no idea what that meant but I really wanted to incorporate it into my vocabulary. Those of you who know me, know that I don't make cursing a practice. So I had to look it up first and since you all seemed to be fans of the postscriptum blog, I have included yet again for your convenience a list of English slang words that you should know while watching BBC. By the way if any of you see any good BBC shows, let me know. I am a fan of British humor.

Barmy - If someone tells you that you're barmy they mean you have gone mad or crazy.
Beastly - You would call something or somebody beastly if they were really nasty or unpleasant.
Blimey - Another exclamation of surprise.
Bloody - One of the most useful swear words in English. Mostly used as an exclamation of surprise.(Swear word)
Blooming - Another alternative to the word bloody.
Bollocks - Technically speaking it means testicles but is typically used to describe something that is no good (that's bollocks) or that someone is talking rubbish (he's talking bollocks).
Cheeky - Cheeky means that you are flippant, have too much lip.
Daft - It basically means stupid
Dodgy - If someone or something is a bit dodgy, it is not to be trusted.
Posh - Roughly translates as high class
Slag - To slag someone off, is to bad mouth them in a nasty way
Wanker - This is a derogatory term used to describe someone who is a bit of a jerk

The definitions were derived from http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml

Pink Elephants

2005-05-02T01:24:00.000-07:00

So... a friend of mine decided that we needed to talk about a pink elephant and ever since then that whole concept has baffled me. Pink Elephants. I've heard them talked about since I was really young, I even remember them being in a Looney Tune or two.

Having a pink elephant is having an weird issue that everyone knows about but no one discusses. So I think to myself, if I actually had a pink elephant (a literal one) I'd talk about it. If any elephant (pink or not) or any pink animal, for that manner showed up in any room that I found myself a resident of, I definitely discuss it with someone. Seriously, the color pink is not natural for animals so I'd have to talk about the animal in the room going through a punk phase. I'd have to talk about the large animal that wandered into this room because, animals should be in zoos or in wild places with trees and stuff, not in my neighborhood or my house.

But nonetheless, the metaphor still stands and people try to exterminate pink elephants. Mostly because they make for uncomfortability within relationships ( subjects that can't be breached, things that can't be joked about). However I'm surprised that there is no fund to preserve the Pink Elephant. I mean, by talking about these pink elephants are we killing them by lethal injection or beheading them or are we just ushering them out of the room or are we giving them a henna rinse the devoid them of their pinkness. I don't want to be involved in any violence towards animals. I'd really like to know what happens...

Having thoroughly embarrassed myself on the internet at this point, I will conclude by saying...
SAVE THE PINK ELEPHANT!!!!

It's Been Awhile...

2005-04-21T15:31:00.000-07:00

So...I wrote an email to a friend of mine today. After deciding I was finished, I wanted to add something off topic. I P.S.'d it. And then I thought to myself. What does P.S. mean anyway? I know it's like unslang for "Oh Yeah,". But I couldn't figure out what the initials stand for.

I was perplexed so I started looking on the internet for it. Turns out that P.S. is an abbreviation for the Latin word postscriptum, which pretty much means, "The following was written after I wrote the other part". That's what I thought it stood for because I'm a nerd who recognizes file extensions and knew that a ps file was a postscript file, but I wasn't sure that was the definition. Anyway so I started thinking of all the other little abbreviations, that I didn't know the real meaning of, and I looked them up. Yes, I'm bored, but this is entertaining to me. I have included a list below for your convenience

e.g. - exempli gratia- for example
i.e. - id est - that is, (This the one you use when youre rambling)
r.s.v.p - répondez s'il vous plaît - please respond, (Pretty straight forward)
et al - et alia - and others (Ghetto translation- and nem)

Here is a soliloquy I wrote.

It would give me great pleasure if Bill Gates, et al would r.s.v.p. to my request for gifts, i.e. money, cars, apartments. For these thing would solve many of my life's problems, e.g. if I had his money I could buy an elephant, I've been needing someone to trim my trees.

She Hate Me

2005-04-14T03:33:00.000-07:00

So After my post reviewing On the Down Low, Stan the Man recommended that I watch this Spike Lee movie, "She Hate Me". So I rented you know, I love Spike Lee flicks. Seriously, Bamboozled, She's gotta have it, Crooklyn, and School Daze are amongst the few movies that I've seen at least once and still wouldn't mind seeing again.

This movie however was something different. Most of the movies that I've seen recently have bothered me for one reason. Too much going on. She Hate Me was no different. Whereas it had the usual Spike Lee messages, that I generally agree with and am glad to see discussed. You know, the America hates black people, rich people are amoral and we're all hypocritical lessons that one expects from a Spike Lee flick.

But, this movie had sooo much going on. Biotech VP turned ho and dime-dropper, 19 lesbian couples impregnated by one man, People messing with the black man's money (Now you know that's a recipe for trouble), and the ending (which I won't spoil for those who will see it) was just straight confusing. So where as I appreciated the questions raised by Spike in this flick, I just think he might want to tackle one or two absurd issues at a time, next round. And for the record, I didn't see him in this one or maybe I missed him. I love my Spike Lee cameos!

Oh yes, I did finish "On the Down Low". Very interesting, not well-written but interesting. I thoroughly suggest that women read it to make sure they aware of the issues we face. But I can understand your reluctance if you just don't want to know, ignorance is sometimes bliss. You and your questionable male can continue to be happy. And you can not ask your personal questionable male, the burning question that I want to ask every guy I ever knew. But you could also get AIDS or any other random STD, or you might get lucky and end up with a responsible Down Low Brother, or even one that's not "On the Down Low". All in all I wish you the best.

Thanks for reading

Sushi and such

2005-04-13T00:24:00.000-07:00

I am writing this blog to announce my new freedom. It's weird I've not been my normal self for the past month or so. I've never been one to try new things, to talk to new or old people, and I definitely was never acting my age. But at 22, I've experienced a fountain of youth of sorts which has turned back the my internal clock, which was always set on African time even though I've always lived in California. (Africa is like 9 hours ahead of Cali), In other words I have an old soul. Or at least I had one.

I don't know what happened, A month and a half ago I quit my job, went to Boston to chill with some old college buddies and ended up 22 all of a sudden. I'm enjoying myself, clubbing on a regular basis, trying new things, just not acting like me. I would've thought it'd be weirder being a whole new person but it feels so much like me that I wonder why I'm tripping.

So my friend Nikki and I were at the Monsoon Cafe last weekend and suddenly I felt it a good idea to try Sushi. Okay, point of privilege. Can we talk about how I don't ever try foods from different lands, I hadn't eaten seafood in two years and I'm not the one to try anything new in the culinary realm. Like I said it wasn't me. But I suggested it and then convinced Nikki that it was good idea. So, we tried it. It was...special.

I actually had sashimi. That's what I found out later. No roll, no seaweed, just raw fish and rice. I didn't mind the taste. The consistency freaked me out. I have consistency issues. That is why when my grandma fed me oatmeal I thought she didn't love me. How can you be liquid and solid at the same time. Gummy, yet crunchy and all over slimy. Ewww...Oatmeal. With all that said for some reason I'd still try a sushi roll.

Why? Because something happened to me. At some point I subconsciously realized that I have wasted a lot of years trying to be mature and safe when it's really not my responsibility to be that. Apparently I put all of that regret into action and have lost my mind or have finally found it. I'm enjoying myself, we'll see what kinda shenanigans I can get myself into over the next couple of years, till I actually become old and stop electing to be so.

The DL

2005-04-10T23:56:00.000-07:00

So every black woman I know including myself was extremely alarmed when J.L. King went on Oprah, telling all women to beware of men "On the Down Low". At least six women sent me emails about it, one supposedly written by a man who liked to have sex with men but wanted to be in love with women. With all of this talk about it, I decided to read the book, "On the Down Low."

I'm 72 pages in and I grow more fascinated by this book every time I pick it up. Having known a few men on the Down Low myself I found it very interesting that when I picked up the book and saw J.L. King on the cover, he looked very "On the Down Low" to me. But that's a whole other topic. This book is crazy, dead on, but crazy. So far I have read about how he got caught by his wife and how women shouldn't blame themeselves when their men sleep with other men.

He's telling the truth but , gosh, I think if it were me I'd blame myself a little. With all of the flagrantly gay men that I know, if I ended up with a "Down Low" brother because I forgot to run a background check with them, I'd definitely blame myself. Now if he happened to surpass their alleged "gaydar" then I think I'd blame them. Maybe they need to tune up their gaydar. I'm just kidding. I wouldn't think it was my fault because I don't think women have the power to make any man that doesn't want to be with a man, be with a man. I would definitely blame the "Down Low Brother" because I fully believe in announcing all your issues when you enter a relationship.

If you're crazy, you're supposed to say it. Shoot, I say it, to friends and love interests alike. "I'm crazy, Are you okay with that?". That may explain my lack of both but hey, everyone who stayed got the disclaimer. So if I'm dating a man who's gay, bisexual, "On the Down Low", "On the Up High" or whatever else there is on this planet to be; somewhere near the beginning or our relationship he is supposed to say to me, "Tiffany, we have a heterosexual relationship but (whatever his issue is)." I mean let me know, so that I can make my informed decision about our relationship.

There's nothing I hate worse then not having all the information and there's noone I despise more than someone who manipulated me by denying me that. I'm not one of those girls who asks question she doesn't really want to hear the answer to.
Some Examples:
Girl: Do you love me?
Guy:No, I just want to play with your emotions.

Girl: Do I look fat?
Guy: Of course, you weigh 300 pounds.

Girl: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Guy: Look at her, now look at yourself. Are you really asking me this, you troll?

So to all the men who ever plan on dating me, just tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth because if I ask a question I'm prepared for any answer you could give and if you lie the fury I unleash when I find out the truth will be worse than you ever imagined.

The week of 21

2005-04-02T13:44:00.001-08:00

seriously

My cousin turned 21 this week. So last night we planned to get all dressed up and go to a jazz club in LA. Being the vain chicks that we can be, keep reading my blogs you'll see, it took us forever to get ready. Seriously, we started getting ready at 7:00pm. What time do you think we left the house? 10. :( But seriously we looked "So Good"(Teen Girl Squad #1)

So 10 o'clock is not a good time to be leaving the IE considering that, it'll take an hour to get to LA, the jazz club stops playing at 1, and one of us has to be the designated driver. So we decide, very reluctantly to waste all our beauty on Dave and Buster's. Now Dave and Buster's is okay when you're on a date but as a Single, Black Woman who is 22. It's not the place to be.

The men there are either 40 or 14. The women there are pissed because they didn't go somewhere else and overall its not a great place to be when you're 20 something trying to get a date. But we were there wasting our loveliness on the older of the IE crowd. The night ended regularly, without anything spectacular happening. It was so...normal.

Part 2

2005-04-01T12:23:00.000-08:00

SO... Monday morning comes. I'm still a bit tired from the shenanigans from Sunday. Still luggageless and very unhappy about it. I begin calling all the people who could possibly have my luggage. I call United Central Baggage Service, who says they haven't received it. I call American Airlines/Eagle Central Baggage Service who also says they haven't received and also hasn't heard of the man who shall remain nameless who jacked my bag and left one that looks nothing like his.

This brings me to a point that I promised to cover, why I have to sleep before going to an airport. For some strange reason I firmly believed that the bag got taken at the American Eagle terminal. However, only one passenger got off there, she was a she. The name on the bag is a guys name. Why did I still think it must've been that lady. BECAUSE I WAS HALF ASLEEP TRYING TO REASON THROUGH A CRAZY SITUATION. Gosh, whoever came up with, "Don't Sleep", wasn't smart. If I DON'T SLEEP, I CAN'T THINK. You would think that I would've learned that from undergrad. Fall asleep in a final and you'll know what I mean.

Whew...glad I got that off my chest. Now the search continues. I call the Boston Airport Lost and Found, the shuttle service and the Boston PD. At this point I don't know what else to do, so I pray. I mean, I've been praying all along but that Donnie McClurkin song really made an impression on me. "After you've done all you can, you just stand". So I just chilled out and prayed. I wake up the next morning for no reason at 8:30, went to the restroom and for no reason looked at my phone. There was a missed call from an 800 number.

Those of you who know me, know that I dodge 800 number calls. So I checked my voicemail and it was about my luggage. Airtran had it. Now let me explain to you why I stress that I must sleep before I go to the airport. The guy sitting behind me on the shuttle said, "can you let me know when we get to Airtran" like seven times. I should have remembered that we stopped there before I got off and that it was a guy that got off there. I'm sure that I would have remembered had I not been sedated. Anyway they shipped my luggage back to me and I gave them the information that they needed to get his luggage back. All in all God is good, he answers prayers and I have my stiletto boots back. Who's hating?

Why airport shuttles are not a good idea...

2005-03-30T17:46:00.000-08:00

My Angry Face
So Sunday morning, Easter Sunday that is, I leave the Boston Marriott on my way to the airport. After the airport shuttle dude claimed he could squish my two friends and me into one seat and our luggage into the already full baggage space, we opted to go for the empty shuttle. At this point they, the full shuttle man and the empty shuttle man, decide to argue. Meanwhile I'm resting comfortably in the empty van thinking, "They should hurry up and fight so that I can make my flight." Anyway the van fills up to an appropriate capacity, and we take off.

The man is driving all kinds of crazy, which given the craziness of Boston only makes sense. It's a big construction zone with plenty of detours that they don't tell you about until you're on your way to the wrong place. Anyway we pull up to someone terminal they get off and start taking off they're luggage. I'm half asleep and freezing since I left my jacket in the hotel room but suddenly I think, "How does the shuttle man know that they're getting the right luggage? People would know their luggage, they'd at least check the tag."

You know I hate it when God sends me a clue and I don't pay attention. Then I feel like an idiot because, I should have known that that was exactly what was about to happen to me. So we pull up to the United terminal, I hop out to get my luggage, point to a bag that looks like mine. I look at the tag, it says Delta. Well that one's not mine. In fact none of the bags left in the van are mine. I'm heated.

So I tell shuttle man about it. He tries to explain that its their, the idiot who didn't know their bags, fault. I let him know that I don't care and say, "Well are you going to take me to their terminal to look for them?" He says "That'll be 12 dollars." So I loke. I say "What do you mean it's going to be 12 dollars?" Just when I was that close to losing my salvation he says, "I was talking to him," apparently he was mid-collect when I said that. I apologized and told him I was really flustered.

So me and shuttle man head off to the terminal that we think we let the culprit off at, American Eagle. We run through the terminal desperately looking for this woman, who turned out not to be who actually took my luggage. We can't find her or him.

Anyway at this point my flight is taking off in twenty minutes, I have no baggage to check and I'm still half asleep because bright girl that I am I though it'd be a good idea to go to the airport sleepy. Why would I ever need my mental faculties there? We'll talk about that later.

So I take down the info on the bag that is left in the van, which unfortunately has no airline info on it. I get the shuttle man's card so that I can call him to check if he has received my luggage. I don't pay the shuttle man, because seriously, why would I? I explain all that happened to the ladies at the counter who try to figure out something to help me but can't. I'm not even really paying attention to them because I can't focus when I'm half asleep. I make it to my plane literally 3 minutes before it leaves. I have no idea where my luggage is, if I'll ever get it back. I can't even cry because I'm so sleepy. I just doze off and wake up in Denver,Colorado for my connecting flight.

My connecting flight hilarity will be discussed in another blog but now we must discuss the issue at hand, my luggage. I get on the Denver flight and after a series of crazy events I make it to Ontario, CA. Where I was told to file a claim with Baggage Service. Baggage Service tells me that I can't file a claim because I never checked a bag. So now, not only do I not have ANY luggage but I also have NO prospect of getting a check to cover what I've lost. Now let's talk about this luggage.

When I go on a trip to see people that I haven't seen in a while, I want to look my best, so I take my best clothing. Included in this bag are:

Two pairs of stiletto boots
My Sexy Black dress
My Favorite Shirt
2 of my favorite sweaters
My Black Trouser pants
The jeans that compliment my lack of butt
My Black Suit Jacket which was purchased a week ago
My Black skirt that has never been worn
My Gold and Hot curling iron
My Medicolegal Investigation of Death Book

The luggage is borrowed, so when I get home I have to explain to my Aunt why I will never be trusted again with her stuff and how it really wasn't my fault. Yeah so this bag is very important.

Anyway Sunday drags on, I'm still tired because of my crazy Denver to Ontario flight and I can't even think straight at this point. I go to my Mom's house for Easter dinner and take a nap. I decide I'll leave it till Monday when I've slept to try to think about it. I'll also leave this till the next installment because I'm, tired of writing and I'm sure you're tired of reading this. Stay tuned for Part 2.

The Beginning

2005-03-29T11:33:00.000-08:00

So awhile ago my friends started blogging and encouraged me to join but I was busy. Full-Time Job, Grad School, Side-Hustles and Church Activities kept me entirely too busy to Blog anything I thought or didn't think about. I recently quit my job so now I have the freedom to take up internet space with the stupid things that I think. Aren't you all lucky you get to read them?